My mother is a very complicated person. Yesterday she was up and appeared to be in good spirits. She even went out and gambled. She was gone for almost twelve hours. Now she is in bed lying there like she was all last week. I dont want her that way. I want her out and about, gamble, go to temple, something, anything, just be active. But she isnt and it breaks my heart.
I believe (now) that is all from her depression. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The first step is denial, for after she was diagnosed, she was like "I dont believe it is cancer. I feel fine." But she has gone on to depression. But she has been depressed for a long time. She has skipped anger and bargaining? Sigh, I do not know. Maybe because she was depressed for all that time, she has skipped anger and bargaining. I have only seen my mom truly angry only a handful of times.
Blah. All I am doing is going about in circles. I will have to wait and see if she can beat this depression. I will be angry for her. FUCK CANCER!! Yeah, thats more like it...
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